What we tend to pay attention somehow magnifies in our lives, but those who take the posture of gratitude tend to be more satisfied in the midst. It is so easy to play the “blame game” because it causes us to absolve ourselves of any responsibility, and allows us to focus on the wrongdoing of others; instead of the inner work that needs to be done within. Recovering from a toxic relationship is no different. Especially since the abuse and mistreatment you’ve endured is certainly not your fault. However, I want to encourage you today, to recognize that the power to becoming whole is in your hands.
Healing from narcissistic and emotional abuse requires courage. Courage to overcome the verbal, mental, emotional, and sometimes physical abuse is no easy feat. When your feelings are never validated, and you are constantly blamed when things go wrong or your partner’s expectations (however unrealistic) are not met. Any confidence and courage you once had are erased and you are left with feelings of inadequacy, co-dependency, low self-esteem, and shame. When you begin to understand and wake up to the trauma you have endured, not only do you experience feelings of exhaustion, but you experience anger, grief, and even feelings of being trapped; wondering how you will ever “get out” from under the merry go round of toxicity. I learned that making the decision to get out and be healed is up to you. The responsibility is yours. This surprises many people who have experienced narcissistic abuse because of all they endured from the perpetrator. We cannot place our focus on what they did. I left my perpetrator up to God and discovered that I had the power within all along. This took time to discover of course, but God sent help through people who had similiar experiences that I did.
On the other side of a toxic relationship is freedom and the strength to understand and embrace who you are, but it’s going to take you doing the work. As you begin to take steps forward, you will begin to realize who you are. I vividly remember feeling like a dark veil had been lifted up and off my body. I felt like I had a new eyesight, literally. While we’re not responsible for the abuse that we endure, we are responsible for our healing. The wounds are not our fault, but recovering from them is our responsibility!
A narcissistic bond is not easy to break. Give yourself grace, and don’t beat yourself up like everyone may expect you to. Healing hurts and can be excruciating at times as you transform. This is why many dismiss the idea of being whole again. However, we must face the truth of our situation and identify things as they are no matter how much it hurts. A cocoon is not attractive by any means as it goes through its transformation process. It’s a grand mess but look what comes out of it in the end.
You are not the abuse that happened to you nor are you a victim. You have been fearfully and wonderfully made. You may not feel like it but royalty drips from you for you have been designed by God for a specific purpose while your pretty little feet are on this earth. I created this beautiful poster to remind you of this. Just like your fingerprint, you are one of a kind. What you went through God will turn it all around for your good. God will use your pain and make it pay for your future freedom which will cause others to get free as well. Remember this:
“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”
1 Peter 2:9 (NIV)
Pray, go deep into God’s word and do not be afraid to ask Him when you do not understand something. Walk in the freedom He has given you! If it is repaired self-esteem you seek, it’s in God. If you need healing from childhood trauma and pain, God can do it. If you’re seeking relief from mental and emotional exhaustion and fatigue, you can have it, just ask! You are not called just to survive; you are called to thrive. Move towards your destiny in power, in boldness, and strength. Show yourself some patience as you jumpstart your transformational healing journey by connecting your dots and discovering your true self. Own your progress and celebrate your wins. You can shine again.
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